And I Love Her
by walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: Amy gets forced into Online Dating but things get complicated when she finds out that Karma is actually her secret admirer.


*this fic was mainly inspired by the songs: And I Love Her by Doom & Gloom, She Loves You by Badwolf, and Not In That Way by Sam Smith*

*warning: lots of swearing*

*this is a very long one-shot*

**And I Love Her…**

**Part I**

"I'm not going to do it, Shane, forget it!" Amy said, throwing her bag against the tree and plopping herself down next to it.

"Amy Raudenfeld YOU are in a SLUMP!" Shane pushed. He sat dangerously close to her and pulled his laptop open to reveal the online profile he had already begun to fill in.

"Oh God!" Amy groaned, taking one look and feeling overly annoyed with him. "Shane, you know I can't stand this shit!" Amy yelled.

"You can and you will!" He smiled. "Now, what picture should I use?" He asked. Amy watched as he opened a folder to reveal that he had at least 20 pictures of her, which was way more than she ever knew existed.

"WHAT THE FUCK SHANE?! WHERE THE HELL DID THOSE COME FROM?!"

"Are you kidding?! You're Hester famous," he crooned.

"Aw, fuck, it just gets worse. My life just gets worse," she held at her face and rest her elbows on her knees. There was nowhere to hide in the concrete jungle. They must've been facebook photos. She had seen how Karma kept tagging her all last year. Karma made a page for her once. A page which she ignored and couldn't even remember the password to now.

"It'll get better, I promise!" Shane said optimistically. There was laughter from somewhere nearby. Karma and Shane both looked to notice a group of people laughing way too loud, among them was Liam Booker.

"God I fucking hate him," Amy snapped.

"You don't hate him. You slept with him."

"I do to hate him! He's a life ruiner! A friend stealer!" Lately Amy had gotten used to bashing on him in private with Shane. Really it was Shane's fault for confessing his own upset with Liam on a particularly bad day. After the wedding Shane sort of gave Liam a long lecture and they hadn't been talking sense, if they could help it. Amy knew all about that.

It had been weeks since the wedding, though, months even, and Amy still wasn't over it. Shane couldn't blame her but she was starting to sound like a broken record. _Why won't Karma talk to me? I hate Liam Booker? Why is my life such shit?_ Things like that. They were all that she said and Shane was sort of over it.

"She's not with him anymore, remember?"

"Yeah, she's not with him!" Amy scoffed. "Big deal! She's not with me either Shane. He just came in with his stupid fucking smile and his sparkling stupid eyes and just fucked up my life! BIG TIME!"

Shane couldn't help but laugh. It was an awkward way to describe what Liam had done.

"Do you wanna spend all of your time hating Liam or do you want to have sex?"

"I don't want to have sex."

"But you do want a girlfriend?" Shane asked, knowing it was true.

"I want Karma! You know that," she pouted sadly.

"But Karma hasn't talked to you Amy. She's avoiding you like the plague."

"So what, I'll wait."

"Wait for what?"

"For her to come to her senses and realize I'm the best thing to ever happen to her?"

"Do you really think you're the best thing to ever happen to her?" Shane asked.

"No," Amy groaned, holding her head again and pulling a flower out of the ground and picking it apart.

"Look, I know you want to stop thinking about her, I can tell."

"For as long as I can remember Karma has been my whole life," Amy reminded. Truthfully, Amy never wanted to stop thinking about her. Shane watched her lean back onto her arms and stare longingly towards Karma who was alone on the grass across the way, writing in her notebook and listening to something in her headphones.

"Go talk to her then," Shane urged.

"I've already said too much," Amy shrugged.

"It couldn't have been easy for her to find out about you and Liam. Don't you think you should at least apologize for that?"

"I can't apologize for that. It was too fucked up, Shane." She thought he would understand but he didn't.

"Well… Unless you go talk to her right now I'm going to post this fucking thing. SANS PICTURE! Just to make it interesting," he laughed.

He threatened and she stared off at Karma longingly, turning over onto her stomach and holding her chin up over her arms. She stared for what felt like forever. Dreamily, she smiled softly and Shane noticed her suddenly calm mood. When she stared at Karma she became her old self again. It was sad but beautiful. It was tragic is what it was. He couldn't watch it any more. He couldn't' stand idly by.

Karma caught wind of eyes somewhere, eyes that stared. She looked up curiously to see Amy on the grass and looking at her like she always did. Just looking and smiling. Amy jerked away, breaking the eye contact as quick as humanly possible.

"It's no use. I can't talk to her."

"Why?" Shane asked.

"If she wanted to talk to me she would talk to me. I know her."

"She knows you."

"Right."

"Oh, so you're saying: you know, she knows, she should talk to you first?"

"Sort of?" Amy asked nervously.

"Well, whatever. It doesn't matter anyway. It's done."

"Wait?!" Amy yelled, pulling the laptop from his hands and staring down at the screen. "Wait?! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" She yelled angrily.

"You're in there now. People are gonna start texting you."

"YOU GAVE THEM MY NUMBER?!"

"Here," he said, handing her an unfamiliar looking phone.

"What's this?"

"It's your booty phone," he smirked.

"My what?"

"People will text you and you can flirt. It's fun."

"Shane, this is creepy."

"It shouldn't be. Have fun," he said, standing up and taking the laptop away.

She threw the phone into her backpack and tried to forget about it. What the hell was he thinking?

**Part II**

Karma laid across the way on the grass thinking again about how unfair it all was and how she had been horrible, simply horrible for a whole entire year of her life.

Recently she had really gotten into The Beatles again. It was an on and off love-hate type of thing. When she first learned guitar it was all about The Beatles because The Beatles were the easiest songs to start off on. After a while though she grew tired of them and jumped to newer songs and newer artists but now with things changing she found herself almost obsessed with a few of the covers she had found on the REIMAGED cd that Liam had bought her right before their break.

There were two songs in particular that really fit her current state of mind. Since the songs had been slowed down and altered just a ting, Karma found herself hopelessly wallowing in them while thinking about Amy and last year and the way she had fucked everything up and also the way she had been hurt too. One was a cover of _She Loves You_ done by Badwolf and the other a cover of _And I Love her_ done by Doom & Gloom.

It was weird to still be listening to these songs since Liam had been the one to give her the cd. But Karma couldn't help it. She couldn't help wanting to hear them and wanting to think back on everything and try and reconcile it all with herself. She had to pay penance and that's what she was doing. Whatever had happened and what ever was going to happen, she played a huge part in it all and a separation was necessary now because when the two of them were together it was like they were always fighting, always hiding things, all year long.

Amy had hurt her in the most unimaginable way but Karma couldn't stop, she couldn't stop thinking about her. She stared across the way as the Badwolf cover filled her up inside:

_You think you lost your love, well I saw her yesterday. It's you she's thinkin' of and she told me what to say. She says she loves you. And you know that can't be bad. Yeah, she loves you and you know you should be glad..._

_She said you hurt her bad. She almost lost her mind. And now she says she knows you're not the hurting kind. She said she loves you and you know that can't be bad. She loves you and you know you should be glad…_

_She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. And with a love like that you know you should be glad._

_You know it's up to you. I think it's only fair. Pride can hurt you too. Apologize to her. Because she loves you and you know that can't be bad. She loves you and you know you should be glad._

_She loves you…_

_She loves you..._

"Hey," Liam said, interrupting Karma's dreamy state. She had been openly staring over at Amy when Liam approached and sat down next to her on the ground.

"Hey yourself," she said back, stopping her player and doing away with the headphones.

"You okay? I saw her looking at you," he nodded to Amy. Amy had since turned her back.

"What do you think?" Karma asked grumpily. She wasn't particularly fond of either of them right now but at least Liam was still trying.

"You guys should talk. She told you she loves you," he pushed.

"What's there to talk about? She loves me but she fucked you and now she hasn't tried to talk to me once. The end."

"Karma, you know what I mean. You've been moping around school like you got your heart broken."

"And didn't I?" She asked, looking at him reproachfully.

"I don't know," he confessed. "All I know is, if your heart did break, it wasn't because of me, and you're still not being honest about that."

"Liam, come on, give me a break," she scoffed.

"Why should I?"

"I can actually give you several reasons," she said, standing up and putting her bag over her shoulder. He stood up too and stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Look, Karma, I'm not saying you have feelings for her.. You know, like feelings feelings. All I'm saying is you guys are important. It's wrong to see you both like this every day. Especially knowing that a lot of this was because of me."

"Grow the fuck up Liam. This is life. It's not fucking Shakespeare. Despite what you may think, none of this is because of you." She was obviously upset with him. "If Amy wants to talk to me she fucking can. And guess what?" He stared at her almost scared for what was coming.

"What?" He asked nervously.

"She hasn't," Karma raised her hands in exacerbation and turned from him to walk off to class. Wasn't it bad enough that he slept with her best friend? Did he have to keep reminding her about it? Keep reminding her what Amy had done?

**Part III**

Shane stopped Liam in the hall and held his arm to keep him from leaving.

"I can't deal with your shit right now, Shane." Liam grumbled. Karma had been harsh again. Too harsh.

"Liam, come on. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Look, I know that I hurt Amy but it wasn't my fault," he whined.

"Okay, I get it. I've been extra ruthless lately and I'm sorry," Shane confessed. Most of the students were busy stuffing their bags with books and making out in the halls before fifth period.

"Was that so fucking hard?" Liam raised his eyes up at him like a happy puppy stares up at it's master. It was almost impossible for him to stay mad at Shane. He loved him, he really did. Shane was his best friend, his only real friend.

"No, it wasn't hard," Shane confessed. "Being mad at you was hard."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I kinda did," Shane grimaced.

"Fine, I get it. I'm trash."

"You're not trash, you're just, not so great at normal human things like having good judgement... Realizing when you're being unreasonable… Staying out of my friend's pants..."

"When was I unreasonable?" Liam snapped, wanting to fight him.

"You crashed Amy's mom's wedding Liam."

"So."

"So?"

"Yeah… Whatever," Liam said.

"Anyway, you should give this to Karma," Shane said, handing Liam a phone.

"This isn't hers," Liam said.

"I know it's not hers."

"Shane," Liam smiled. "What are you doing?" He knew right away that this was a plan of some sort. Shane was known for his elaborate schemes.

"Just give it to her and tell her you signed her up for an online dating service to help her get over Amy."

"Pft! I would never do that, Shane," Liam laughed.

"Well, pretend that you did!"

"Does this have anything to do with Amy?"

"It might," Shane said. There was no guarantee that they'd end up flirting but if it did just so happen to occur naturally, Shane was going to be taking full credit and he knew it.

"Fine, but if she gets hurt I'll fucking kill you."

"No you won't."

"Just don't fuck her up anymore, okay? This shit wasn't her fault."

"Do you really think I don't know that?" Shane looked up at him like he was a fucking dolt and Liam got that he wouldn't hurt Karma any more than he would hurt Amy. And he obviously loved Amy so that really meant a lot.

"Okay…" Liam agreed. He caught up with Karma after school and convinced her that the dating site had been his idea and that he'd send her a link to her profile and set it all up for her over the phone. She seemed reluctant but she at least took the phone.

**Part IV**

Ever since the wedding, Lauren had been trying and trying to get Amy to go out with her but Amy kept refusing. Amy straight-up couldn't handle it. After school she'd find something to eat and disappear to her room. Sometimes she'd watch movies, other times she'd live a tumblr life of reblogging things and fangirling in secret to complete strangers. Lately she'd been really trying to stop all of her bad habits though.

Today, she didn't know what to do with herself. Ever since two days ago when Lauren broke in through her window to get her to stop crying, Amy had been scared to be alone. On that particular day she had discovered Sam Smith's song _Not In That Way_. A whole hour went by while she cried and played it on a loop in the dark. Lauren had heard and thought nothing at first but when 40 minutes had gone by and it was still THAT SONG eminating out of Amy's room Lauren just knew something was wrong. Secretly Lauren Cooper/Raudenfeld had put herself on suicide watch, but she never told Amy that was why she was so nosey. To be honest, she never would.

Because of that particular incident, Amy was starting to see how fucking pitiful she was and it was beginning to sicken her. She was never going to get over Karma, not really, not ever. But she couldn't go on like this. Lauren had been right to break in and shake her like she did. That day Lauren dragged Amy out and made her go on a meandering drive while she talked at her. It was sweet. Annoying but sweet.

Today Amy decided, she'd try Shane's plan despite how much she hated it. She pulled the black phone out of her backpack and saw that there were already a few texts from a few different numbers.

Quickly, she brought her other phone up to the bed and shot a text off to Shane.

Amy: So, this is an all-girls site, right?

Shane: Well, it's pretty open but I put your preference down as female and it's one of those sites that guys don't generally use because it's mostly used because it's mainly popular with the lesbians.

Amy: Weird… I already have a few texts…

Shane: Dang that was fast!

Amy: I know…

Amy looked down to click on them.

Random #1: Hey cutie, how are you?

Amy: I'm good I guess…

Random #1: What's your name? What do you look like?

That was too fast. Amy didn't want to get with anyone who would just ask that right off the bat. She ignored it.

Random #2: Wanna hook-up?

Amy: Umm… I don't think so…

Random #2: Text me if you change your mind!

Before Amy knew what was coming Random #2 had sent a picture of herself and she was sitting in just a way that revealed almost all of her breasts.

"Holy shit!" Amy screamed out loud, throwing the black phone.

Shane: Any luck?

Amy: Eh… They all wanna know what I look like I think…

Shane: Just wait, sometimes it takes a few days to get the people who are actually interested in something other than just your ass.

Amy: Sounds like you speak from experience :/

Shane: Yes Amy, I've used online dating websites before. Obviously. Why did you think I was surprised to not know Pablo? Didn't you think about that at all when I was talking to you about him?

Amy: No…

Shane: You are such a little puppy xD

Amy: Shut up…

Instinctively, as if she couldn't even try to stop it, Amy pulled up Karma in her messages and read the last message she had gotten.

Karma: I miss you…

It had been sent after the wedding. It had probably been sent at the exact moment Amy had been fucking Liam like the piece of shit friend that she obviously was. She hated herself for that. Even after all this time she couldn't delete it. Like an idiot and an asshole she would stare at it and imagine it had just been sent to her, just now. _If only it had been a new message_, she thought.

Amy: Why can't I talk to her…

Shane: Just do it.. You'll feel better if you do it…

Amy: I can't Shane… I fucked up…

Shane: Just tell her that.

Amy: She probably hates me.

Shane: I don't see her and Liam out on secret dates anymore.

Amy: Unrelated.

Shane: The sooner you talk, the better you both will feel.

Amy: Oh shit, I got another message.

Amy had heard the black phone vibrate from it's spot at the foot of the bed.

Random #3: Hi there… I've never done this before. Are you a girl or a guy?

Amy sat up and threw her real phone away from her. This one could work.

Amy: Hi, me neither.. It's kind of weird :/ My friend made me do it… I'm a girl.

Random #3: That's so funny! My friend made me do it too! He gave me a phone and everything! I'm a girl too ;)

Amy: No shit?

Random #3: No shoot.

Amy: Sorry...

Random #3: It's fine, I'm just teasing. My best friend cusses all the time, I'm used to it.

Amy: Is your best friend the one who forced you to try online dating?

Amy sat back and felt butterflies. She wouldn't normally be happy about something this simple but these responses were just so unpredictable. Amy almost felt like she knew this girl already. This girl could easily be her friend.

Random #3: No, no… My best friend would never recommend something like this! … We're sort of fighting.

Amy: I know what that's like… My best friend hasn't talked to me in ages. I fucked up.

Random #3: Uh oh… Maybe I should stop talking to you. What did you do?

Amy: Oh, I dunno… Fell in love with her, I guess..

Random #3: Ouch…

Amy: Yeah, ouch…

Random #3: Why'd you do that?

Amy: I didn't mean to.. believe me...

It may have been too much information way too early. Amy felt sort of nervous when the random girl didn't text for a while. She preoccupied herself with a reddit AMA and tried not to feel nervous about the gap.

Random #3: Sorry about that. My parents wanted me to eat dinner with them.

Amy: That's cute.

Random #3: Not really…

Amy: No, it is… I rarely eat with my family and when we do eat together it's really hard to not start fighting about things...

Random #3: I'm sorry, that sounds really sad…

Amy: It is, I guess...

Random #4: Is is weird of me to ask for your picture?

Amy: I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

Random #4: What if I sent you one of me?

Amy: Please don't. Can we just talk first? This may sound pathetic but I've been really lonely and kind of fucked up. Ever since all that stuff with my friend, I really haven't been able to talk to anyone.

Random #4: I can come over?

Amy: You don't even know me…

Random #4: I know more than you know about me

Amy: Tell me about yourself

It went on like that for hours. Amy texted and opened up to a complete stranger but what she didn't know was that it was Karma she had been talking to.

**Part V **

Liam: Any luck?

Karma: There's a really nice girl. We've been talking all night but she won't send me her picture. Or tell me her name. Or let me call and hear her voice. Is that normal?

Liam: A girl? Really?

Karma: Liam… Don't make this weird.

Liam: I'm just surprised that's all. You said you were faking.

Karma: I don't know what I am Liam. I'm confused.

Liam: So why not talk to Amy? I mean, she loves you and everything.

Karma: Liam. Stop.

Liam: What?

Karma: Just stop please.

Liam: Fine… And don't worry, it is normal. Some girls are insecure. It might take days of flirting before you see a picture.

Karma: Hmmm.. I just don't think this is healthy.

Liam: You could always come over ;)

Karma: Fuck you.

After that Liam didn't text back.

**Part VI**

The next day at school Shane was happy to find Amy on the grass with her hands clutching that familiar black phone. He looked over his shoulder and noticed Karma in a similar manner. If they had found each other through that site Shane would be floored. Thousands of other people used that dating site. THOUSANDS OF OTHER PEOPLE USED THAT DATING SITE! He tried to keep himself from bursting with pride but he wanted them to be texting each other so badly. And he wanted to know everything!

"Same girl?" Shane asked. He kept looking between the two of them and trying to see if Karma was smiling after Amy pressed send or if Amy was smiling after Karma pressed send. They looked to be matching up. He wanted to jump up and down but he contained himself. Luckily, Amy was too preoccupied with her convo to notice Shane's obvious giddy mood.

"Yup."

"Jeez, you must like her."

"Shane," Amy scolded. "I don't even know her, she's just easy to talk to okay?"

"Yeah, except I could see you blushing from all the way over there," Shane pointed to the wall of the building.

"She's sweet."

"I'm sweet," he smiled.

"Fine, you're sweet," she said, leaning in and kissing his cheek. "And yes, thank you."

"You're welcome. I just couldn't watch you suffer anymore."

"Well, thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"I already did twice and I'm still not sure that's enough for you. What do you want?" Amy said coldly, trying to shake him off.

"Oh, what? Now I'm chopped liver?" Shane pretended to be hurt but he was too happy about the situation to feel anything other than glad.

"I'm just warning you, I may be texting her all through lunch."

"Has she sent a picture yet?"

"I asked her not to."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"What if… What if I know her?"

"Amy, you don't know many people…"

"What if she asks for my picture?"

"Are you honestly worried about that?" He laughed. "Amy, you're fucking hot."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"You're just a good friend who has to say stupid shit like that," Amy blushed feeling angry.

"I wouldn't lie and I don't know if you noticed but I'm pretty goddamn shallow." Shane liked everyone.

"You're so full of shit," Amy said.

"What's she saying now?" He asked, leaning over to try and steal a peek.

"HEY! STOP!" Amy said, rolling away from him.

Across the grass Karma noticed her and felt her stomach ache. She hated seeing Amy laughing without her. Mostly she hated it because she used to be the only one who could make Amy laugh.

She couldn't think of it though because she was texting her new friend.

Random #3: I'm at school and it sucks…

Amy: Ugg, I know! My friend won't leave me alone. He keeps trying to steal my phone and spy on me.

Random #3: Is he cute?

Amy: Hey! Are you even really interested in girls? I mean it's okay if you're not. I just like talking to you.

Random #3: I'll admit I'm not so sure what I'm looking for. I just want to find someone I can talk to. Someone who likes me for me. Someone I don't have to be fake around.

Amy: Wait, did we switch phones because I could swear that was me talking just now.

Random #3: I can tell you're pretty…

Amy: What are you talking about?

Random #3: Only a beautiful person would say something that perfect.

Amy: Yeah well, I don't know about all that… And heeeeeeeeeey, you just complimented yourself hahaha

Random #3: Do you like the way you look?

Amy: Do you?

Random #3: Come on, talk to me, please? I'm dying here. I feel like everyone is just staring at me and giving me sad looks.

Amy: I don't really like the way I look but I've never really felt pretty so it's probably that.

Random #3: Do you wear make-up?

Amy: Not really… I'm sort of a tomboy but not really….

Random #3: You don't have to wear make-up to be pretty. I just meant, are you a girly girl.

Amy: I don't think I'd ever call myself a girly-girl.

Random #3: That's probably good.

Amy: Why? Do you wear make-up?

Random #3: I'm a girly-girl. I wear a lot of make-up and I live for fashion blogs. I could go on and on.

Amy: Do you want to date me? Are you trying to decide? Is that what all these questions are?

Random #3: Oh sweetie, calm down. I just want to picture you. Is that so wrong to want a picture with the name?

Amy: You haven't asked my name.

Random #3: I'm scared I might know you. My high school is kind of huge and I know a lot of people.

Amy: What high school do you go to? Should I ask? Do we really want to know if we're at lunch in the same place right now? What if we are?

There was a second where Amy and Karma both looked up and saw one another. It was a very strange fleeting moment. They were looking to survey the land but once they saw one another they both forgot what they had been thinking about and looked back down at their phones. They were too flustered to even think for a second that they could be texting each other. That just seemed so improbable, ti wasn't even in the realm of possibility.

Random #3: You're too stressed out about this.

Amy: I'm really sorry. I really don't feel good about myself right now. In fact, I feel like absolute shit.

Random #3: Why do you feel like shit?

Amy: Too many reasons.

Random #3: Come on, tell me.

Amy: It's complicated. It would take a long fucking time.

All Amy could think was, _Karma, Karma, Karma…_

Random #3: Can I see you tonight? You can tell me in person?

Amy: I dunno…

Random #3: Please? I just want to talk to you, see what you look like. Like I said before, I don't even know if I'm into girls. We could be friends if anything? Meet for coffee?

Amy: Ugg…

Random #3: Think about it at least?

Amy: I'll think about it…

Random #3: Thank you.

Amy: For what?

Random #3: For thinking about me…

Amy: I like you.

Random #3: I like you too.

Amy packed up her phone since the bell was about to ring.

"Wow, you weren't kidding," Shane said.

"Fuck!" Amy screamed. "I forgot you were there."

"You must want her," he winked. Shane had been watching them both. He was certain now that they had been texting each other, absolutely certain.

"I already told you Shane, I don't even know her."

"Maybe you should, know her that is."

"Maybe you should let things play out instead of pesting and making me not even want to do this at all," Amy smiled.

"Fine, fine," he smiled. Over his shoulder he noticed Karma sitting on the grass and looking abnormally cheery. It was all working out.

**Part VII**

After school Amy felt too nervous to check her extra phone. That girl had put the invite out but she was still scared. She thought about sending a picture but she couldn't do it.

Once she finally got home she locked her door and grabbed the phone.

Random #3: I forgot I had something today. Raincheck?

Amy: Oh… That's okay…

Random #3: I am sooooooooooo sorry, I really couldn't stop thinking about you today.

Amy: awww, cute…

Random #3: Can I call you right now? I kinda wanna hear your voice.

Amy: Um, I've got to clean something.

Random #3: You don't have to lie to me okay? I get that you're nervous.

Amy: Sorry… How did you know?

Random #3: You act a lot like my best friend. Sometimes I'm surprised that it's you I'm talking to and not her.

Amy: You never told me your best friend was a girl.

Random #3: My best friend is a girl.

Amy: Oh…

There was a long pause. An entire minute must've gone by before Amy got nervous and shot off another text.

Amy: Are you mad at me now? I pissed you off, didn't I.. I'm so dumb.

Random #3: I am really not mad at you. I just don't get why you're so nervous. None of it matters. If you don't feel comfortable with me we can just stop talking.

Amy: I'm not talking to my best friend right now and that's pretty much the worst thing to ever happen to me in my entire life so that really isn't comforting.

Random #3: Well, you don't know me, right?

Amy: Not really, I guess.. But I already like you so that's kinda scary. I don't like the idea that there could be someone else out there who hates me.

Random #3: I don't think I could hate you.

Amy: That's what my best friend used to say.

Random #3: God, what happened with you two?

Amy: I told you, I fell in love with her.

Random #3: Did you kiss her or something?

Amy: Not really, she kissed me a lot though.

Random #3: What? That's really weird.

Amy: I know… It was kind of the reason it all started too. I didn't know how I felt until…

Random #3: Now that I think about it... I've definitely kissed my best friend... A lot.

Amy: Really? That's kind of hilarious.

Random #3: I really can't wait to meet you. I feel like I know you already.

Amy: Maybe tomorrow?

Random #3: I'd love to. Only if you're up for it though. I don't want to stress you out.

Amy: You're so fucking nice, jesus.

Random #3: I gotta go

Amy: Oh, sorry

Random #3: I'll text you later, I promise

Amy: K.

After that Amy made ramen and sat down on the couch with Lauren to watch some new show called Chasing Life. She wasn't expecting it but there was this insanely relatable subplot with this one character who fell in love with a popular girl. Amy had to go to her room at one point because she started to cry.

Random #3: Back now!

She had left her phone on the bed so she wouldn't be distracted. It was past 8 now and Amy was sobbing and feeling ridiculous.

Amy: Have you ever seen Chasing Life?

Random #3: Oh god, I love that show.

Amy: It's so sad. I was seriously crying just now.

Random #3: I wish I could hug you.

Amy didn't know what to say…

Amy: I wish I could hug you too.

Random #3: Can we meet now? I know it's late but my parents don't care. I could go to your house or pick you up?

Amy: I'm really scared…

Random #3: What if I called you?

Amy: Lets do it. Lets meet.

Random #3: You live in Austin right?

Amy: Yeah :)

Random #3: How do you feel about coffee?

Amy: Love it.

Random #3: I can't believe we're doing this. I just got like really nervous.

Amy: I know! Me too!

Amy tried to keep herself from blushing.

Random #3: Do you want me to pick you up?

Amy: Nah, my family is too nosey.

Random #3: Why don't we meet at the Blue Cafe?

Amy: I know it!

Random #3: 15 minutes?

Amy: How… How will we know each other?

Random #3: I'll wear a green ribbon in my hair, how about that?

Amy: What about me?

Random #3: What are you wearing?

Amy: That felt kinky…

Random #3: Just give me a signifier, ya big dork!

Amy: Fine, I'll be wearing a cream cable knit sweater ;)

Random #3: What color hair?

Amy: Blonde. You?

Random #3: Auburn… It's like reddish brown.

Amy: Aww.. pretty.

Random #3: You'll see soon enough!

Amy: K, I'm gonna go now so I can't change my mind. If you see me running away just chase me. I might run away.

Random #3: If you run from me I will be very angry.

Amy: Really?

Random #3: No but I will be sad.

Amy: K, I'll try not to. See you soon :/

Random #3: See you soon :D

**Part VIII**

Karma slipped her sandals on and tied a green ribbon up into her hair. She didn't usually wear ribbons like that but this was obviously a special occasion. Plus she had just watched the old Buffy the Vampire Slayer film and she'd been looking for a reason to tie a ribbon in her hair.

Karma didn't know what to wear so she decided to dress down. She threw on an old sweater of Amy's, one she had been hoarding and practically sleeping in. It wasn't dirty but it still smelt like Amy and Karma needed that smell. She had a short skirt on and the sweater was almost too long. It stopped just high enough to make it known that she was wearing a skirt.

"Here goes," she said, taking her keys and leaving her room.

"Where are you going sweetie?"

"I have a study date!" Karma lied.

"Have fun! Call me if you need anything!"

"Will do," she said nervously, walking outside and getting into the car.

She drove to the cafe and waited for a little while. She wanted to be the second one there. She wanted to be able to walk in and look.

After a while she went inside. She had obviously been too quick. Cautiously, she ordered a chai tea for herself and took a table facing the door so that she could see when her new friend entered.

**Part VIII**

Amy had tried to leave the house quick but she noticed a mark on her sweater and frantically tried to get it out with water and soap. This created a problem since she didn't want to wear a sweater with a giant water spot on it. Lauren helped her dry it with her blow dryer and Lauren dropped her off since Amy looked really nervous, too nervous to drive.

"I can't do it," Amy said.

"Go," Lauren urged.

"Fine," Amy said. She got out of the car and stood in the door for a long time.

"You look good," Lauren said. She'd have wanted someone to say that to her if the shoe had been on the other foot.

"Uggg."

"Go," Lauren urged again feeling tired.

Amy gave her a soft look of thanks before slowly closing the door and stepping back from the car. Lauren drove off because she knew Amy wouldn't go in unless she was all alone and abandoned. Amy was a big chicken.

Amy turned to look at the cafe. She was nervous mostly because talking to anyone lately had been hard. She walked to the door and opened it, stepping all the way in before bringing her head and her eyes up to look.

Across the way Karma saw her almost instantly. She felt the bile rise in her throat and she froze like a deer caught dangerously in the headlights of an oncoming car.

Amy looked and looked. She looked and looked and looked. It took her a second because she was looking everywhere except the place right before her eyes.

"No," she could barely breathe when her eyes saw Karma. Karma who was sitting there. Karma with a green ribbon in her hair. Karma wearing her sweater and waiting. Karma was waiting... For her. "Aw, fuck!" She said, angrily. Her heart had completely stopped for a moment but a moment was all it took. She turned and ran from the place, wishing it all a bad bad dream.

Karma watched as Amy turned and ran with tears in her eyes. She got up quickly and took her drink with her. She chased Amy outside.

"AMY!" She yelled after her. Amy seemed to be running nowhere. She had been running away. "AMY STOP!" Karma yelled.

From several feet away Amy heard and turned reluctantly. Karma could see that her face was already streaked with tears. She was breathing hard and she looked about ready to flip out.

"Is this a joke?" Amy choked out. "Was this some trick? Why would you do this? Do you even know how fucked up this is?!"

"Amy, I didn't do this," Karma said taking a cautious step forward. "I would never do that to you. I didn't know-"

"You didn't know?!"

"No Amy, I didn't. I swear." Karma was afraid to move.

"Fine," Amy said, hugging herself and trying to stop herself from her racing thoughts. Karma took a few more steps forward. Slowly she began to bridge the gap between them in the parking lot.

"Shit… Look… Can we have coffee? Can we just do that?" Karma was treating her cautiously like a cop talking a suicide victim back over the railing of a high-standing bridge.

"I don't know, can we?" Amy asked feeling bitter. Karma wanted nothing to do with her for months and now she was talking to her like none of that had even happened.

Karma took a step forward so that she could talk softer.

"That was you then? The girl who fell in love with her best friend and then couldn't stop feeling lonely and hating herself."

"Christ Karma! Of course that was fucking me!" It really didn't sound like it could be anyone else, at least not to Amy. Amy swung her arms and turned away from her before turning back and gathering herself, hugging herself again to face her. But she wouldn't let her eyes see, those would stay elsewhere.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" Karma asked. The person she was meeting, all that person talked about was her best friend. Karma realized instantly that Amy had been talking about her the whole time. All those texts were about her.

"I had already said enough!" Amy tried not to sound combative but it all made so much sense to her. "And I hurt you! I figured you fucking hated me, Karma."

"I could never hate you," Karma said, reaching out to touch her and watching as Amy took a step back. "Please don't do that," Karma said bitterly.

"What?" Amy looked at her briefly, catching Karma's sad eyes and the hurt in her.

"Don't walk away from me when I try to touch you. I can't stand it when you do that."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Stay with me." Karma begged. "Talk to me." Why couldn't it be simple?

"This had be Shane. This was all Shane."

"Who cares what this was? We're talking. You're here. I'm here." She stepped forward again and took Amy's hand, pulling it towards her until Amy dropped it and let it be held. "We're together now and we're talking." Karma felt like shaking her but she was still holding her drink and wishing now that she hadn't preemptively ordered it.

"Yeah well, if it makes you feel any better I've been wanting to talk to you for months!" Amy bitterly wiped a tear from her cheek with her free hand and looked off toward some moving cars in the distance. She couldn't look at Karma, not while she was crying and definitely not while she was touching her and making her feel soft and weak, almost cared for after so much hurt.

"Can I take you somewhere, please? Are you hungry? Can I feed you?"

"I'm not your fucking pet."

"Amy," Karma said. "You're trying to make this hard."

"It is hard," Amy squeaked, her voice cracking.

"I know it's hard but you're trying to make it harder."

"I don't get why you're talking to me. Why are you talking to me?"

"You may not think so but I've been wanting to talk to you for months too, Amy."

"Whatever," Amy said, taking her hand away.

"Come on, I'm taking you somewhere."

"What if I don't want to go?"

"You're coming," Karma ordered.

"Fine," Amy said. She walked behind Karma and felt strange. They were talking again all of a sudden. For some reason they were talking.

**Part IX**

Karma turned her car on and let her music play while she dug around for a hair-tie. The ribbon had been nice but now that she was just with Amy she knew she could put her hair up and not feel all unimpressive or whatever.

A mix cd played. Amy noticed it right away. It had those Beatles songs and a few other songs that Karma couldn't' stop listening too or singing alone to in her off time. But Amy didn't know any of that. All Amy knew was that the song was playing again. That song was playing again. Amy could hear it and it made her burn, it was that damn Sam Smith song. It was, _Not in That Way_.

"Can we please not listen to this," Amy said grumpily. She couldn't stop crying though she tried. That song was the absolute worst. It was everything she had been feeling for so long. It was a reminder of all of her pain.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," Karma said, pressing next. _She Loves Me_ came on and Amy groaned. Amy had thought it was the radio but it was a cd. A cd that Karma undoubtedly made herself.

"What the fuck Karma?! What the fuck are you listening to the I FUCKING HURT MY BEST FRIEND PLAYLIST?!"

"Yeah know, Amy.." Karma said calmly. "That's exactly what it fucking is," she stared at her colding because it was the goddamn truth. "I wasn't lying when I said I couldn't stop thinking about you. And yes, I did make this cd because I was thinking about you. And thinking about you. And thinking about you. Okay?" Karma's words had a bite to them, a bite that calmed Amy and made her stop to think.

Karma threw her hair up and turned the volume down low. She got in as calmly as possible and started the car up. Something in her hated that Amy couldn't see that she had been hurting too, the whole time! And that had all to do with her and none to do with fucking Liam. Karma drove through a Jack-in-the-Box and got Amy some cheap tacos and a milkshake. She already knew what Amy would want because she knew Amy better than Amy knew her goddamn self. Amy watched her drive curiously. She watched her drive so effortlessly. Watched how Karma seemed calm but stressed. Calm but intense.

Amy nibbled on the tacos, taking sad small little bites, as tears reluctantly fell from her eyes.

"I really missed you," Karma said after watching how sadly Amy had been eating her sad little tacos. They had a long break at a stoplight and Karma couldn't help but watch. She loved her so much. It felt so good to be near her, to have her alone.

"I missed you too," Amy said grumpily, not wanting to admit it because HELLO, IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS! She drank from her shake and turned her eyes out the window and away from Karma's gaze. Somehow the drive was beginning to have a sort of therapeutic feel. Neither of them really knew what they were doing but they wanted to be together so they were and that was good.

Amy felt herself relaxing and Karma felt Amy there again, just so.

"Would it be weird if I wanted to drive all night?" Karma asked shakily, looking over at her.

Sadly and with an optimistic feeling of joy tugging at her heart, Amy leaned over and took Karma's hand in her own. She allowed herself to really see her for possibly the first time all night.

"No," Amy said. "That reeeeally wouldn't be weird."

Though they hadn't been speaking, Amy had been wishing the drive could last forever. There wasn't anything particularly great about it. At least, there wasn't anything that anyone else could just openly see. Having Karma there didn't change anything that had happened. But to be with her and just be? It was like they could at least try and feel like they used to, do something that they used to do, escape together, be alone.

"You know, I … I felt weird about the dating. I wasn't sure what I'd do if the mystery girl had been attracted to me." Karma was trying to make conversation but she was also scared that any conversation could be tricky at this point.

"Were you just going to tease her?" Amy asked, a smile creeping up onto her face.

"No," Karma smirked like she used to when she was annoyed with her. It felt good to see Amy smile. It felt so fucking good. Amy could never possibly know. Karma's heart fluttered in her chest, it almost soared like a bird, lifting her up in her seat.

Karma parked the car in a dark empty park.

"Lock your door," she said.

Amy turned and did as she was told.

"What are we doing here?"

"I just want to be with you," Karma said, turning to face her and tucking her knees up onto her seat. Amy noticed her naked legs.

"Are you cold?" She asked. "I can take off my sweater."

"No," Karma smiled. "I'm fine." Amy stared a little before looking over at the ground. "Can I hold your hand again?"

"Sure," Amy said. She turned around on her seat and faced her. Karma slid her hand into Amy's and held it, feeling how warm she was.

"This is good," Karma breathed, trying to relax.

"It's kind of weird," Amy laughed awkwardly.

"I just. I missed touching you, is that weird?" Karma knew it was probably all weird, especially that last bit.

"I missed touching you too," Amy said. But that wasn't surprising, not to either of them, not after everything that had been said.

"You know before the wedding, before you… Well… I never realized before… How much we touch." Karma was speaking slow, hesitating. Amy was hanging on every word out of Karma's mouth and trying to hear between the silence, read the unspoken in Karma's breath. Karma's voice was so soft now that they were alone. Amy had forgotten how beautiful her voice was. How could that even happen? She tried to push that thought away as Karma continued. "I mean, I realized it but I never really thought about it."

"It's fine," Amy said, dismissing whatever it was that Karma was trying to feel guilty about. "I didn't start to realize either until after we kissed."

"That must've been hard," Karma leaned forward a little as if almost urging Amy to speak. Amy felt that closeness and it confused her. Karma was ready to talk about everything now.

"It was just different," Amy shrugged. She looked up at Karma for a second before taking her eyes away again and staring down at her sweater sleeve in her free hand.

"If…" Karma started but stopped herself. They were doing so well. She was so worried that things could just explode at any minute. That something could set them both off or maybe just Amy. Every word spoken just felt like a risk.

"What is it?" Amy asked, wanting her to speak.

"If I asked you to kiss me, would that freak you out?"

"Um, I don't know… Are you asking?" Amy asked nervously. Karma looked up at her and seemed to decide.

"Yes," she said, looking at her desperately.

"I-I dunno," Amy said queerly.

"Why is that funny?" Karma asked. She felt her own lips curling up into a smile.

"I dunno," Amy shrugged, wiping her smile away. "It just is."

"When you told me you loved me. I didn't really get to think about it. Not then at least. But I've been thinking about it a lot. Being without you it just. It's really fucked me up, okay? Made me realize a few things..." Karma confessed. She cleared her throat and tried not to seem jaded.

"I'm scared that you're just saying these things to try and get me to be your friend again."

"Amy, I wouldn't do that." Karma said, taking her hand away. Perhaps it was all too soon. Perhaps they needed a little more time. "Shoot," she said, turning to sit in the chair again normally and putting the key in the ignition and getting ready to have it turn.

"Don't," Amy said, bringing her hand up and touching her ever so lightly. It was enough to stop Karma. Stop her from starting the car.

"Why?"

"I want to stay with you," Amy said.

Karma wasn't sure if she meant it though. Amy seemed so uncomfortable. She couldn't even look her in the eyes.

"Should we crawl in the back? We can fall asleep, the seats lay down."

"Is that what you want?" Amy asked nervously.

"I'd like that," Karma said truthfully. What she wanted was for them to not have to ask each other things. They used to just do things. They used to just touch each other, just hug each other, just laugh. Things were different now though, they were delicate. It seemed to Karma that she had to be so careful with her now or else she could crack her and shatter her into tiny pieces. And she didn't want that. She didn't want to shatter her world any more. She wanted to piece her together and mend all the breaks.

"I should text my mom at least, let her know I'm staying with you."

"That's smart," Karma said. "Should we go home and get blankets?"

"If we go home we can sleep in a bed," Amy laughed.

"I don't want to go home," Karma confessed. It was better like this with no one around and no one to judge. It was better in the middle of nowhere with just the two of them and nothing else.

"Come on then," Amy said getting out. She opened the back door and helped to move the seats down. Karma actually had a blanket from the last football game she went to alone.

"We can use our sweaters as pillows."

"You mean my sweaters?" Amy asked.

"Your sweaters," Karma smiled and blushed. "Sorry, it smells like you.. It's all I had..." she meant to say: _of you. _But she didn't. She couldn't.

"It does?" Amy asked, feeling that tug again at her heart, the one that lifted her up.

Amy took her sweater off and offered it to Karma. "Here, this one's probably stronger," she said. And Karma handed her the old one, the one that was growing soft and losing it's smell.

"Thanks," Karma said, taking Amy's white cable-knit up to her nose and breathing it in. Amy watched as Karma closed her eyes and breathed her in. She watched her smile into it as if it were a bouquet of beautiful flowers. She watched her missing her. She watched it all and felt her heart sinking comfortably into her chest and speeding up. This was her Karma. This was the Karma she had remembered. Her beautiful friend.

"Fuck," Amy said, overwhelmed by all the memories.

"I reeeeeeally missed you," Karma said again, this time looking up at her almost pathetically.

Amy kept wanting to say WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME?! But she stopped herself every time. She couldn't be mad at her when she was obviously telling the truth. They'd both been distant. It was both of their faults.

They shut all the doors and locked them. They laid down next to each other in the dark.

"Should I play some music?" Karma asked.

"I don't care," Amy said. She took Karma's hand in hers and took to watching her. The tears lingering in her eyes, afraid to drop.

"I missed this," Karma said, staring back.

"You said that," Amy said, not willing to look away, not even for a second. She kept thinking back on what Karma had asked. Karma had asked if she could kiss her. That had happened. It wasn't a dream.

"What are you thinking? I want to hear your voice."

"I'm thinking I love you," Amy reminded.

"What else?" Karma asked, swallowing hard.

"I'm thinking we wasted time ignoring each other. Wasted time and fucked ourselves up."

"I think I needed time," Karma confessed.

"But it hurt," Amy said.

"It did," Karma confessed. They had come a long way since the morning when they had never thought in a million years that they'd be touching each other again let alone speaking words.

"You wouldn't be talking to me right now if Shane hadn't of done that fucked up thing. You know that hurts right?"

"It does," Karma said. She was thinking it to. "I can't think about that…"

"Why not?" Amy asked, trying to see Karma's eyes in the dark.

"If I think about it I'll hate myself more."

"Fine, don't…" Amy said, rubbing her thumb into Karma's palm and watching Karma's eyes shut at the pleasure.

"What are you thinking?" Amy asked, watching her.

"I'm thinking that feels amazing," Karma smiled. A tear fell from her eye and she wiped it away.

"Why are you crying?"

"I think I've been scared," Karma said.

"Of me?"

"Of something…"

"I don't have to touch you."

"If you let go I'll die," Karma huffed. Just the thought of it made her heart speed and her eyes weep. She thought about earlier and being alone and it hurt.

"Karma?" Amy asked, noticing the quick change. Karma had gone from being perfectly calm to shaking and breathing real fast. "Karma? Are you okay?" Amy sat up in the dark and pulled Karma up too. She had begun to sob and out of nowhere it seemed.

"Can you hold me?" Karma asked. "Please? Please hold me?" Karma cried.

Amy pulled her close and let Karma crawl into her. It only took a few seconds for Karma to wrap herself around Amy's body and squeeze. She sobbed hard into Amy's shoulder and Amy held her and squeezed back.

"Fuck, you feel good," Amy said, unable to contain it.

"I can't stop saying I miss you," Karma cried.

"I'm right here," Amy said. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know but I'm scared," Karma cried shakily, her whole body on fire.

"Don't be scared, I'm right here." Amy was speaking soft into Karma's ear and Karma could hardly contain all the emotions she was feeling all at once, all the pain and happiness and gratefulness and fear. There were so many feelings. Too many feelings. "I'm right here. I love you," Amy said. "I'm right here, it's okay."

"I love you too," Karma sobbed back, squeezing her tight and refusing to let go.

**Part X**

The next day at school they were both scared to let go of each other's hand. they'd spent the night in each other's arms and woke to a drive-thru breakfast and a morning of very few words. They went to school in their swapped sweaters and right before class they looked at each other longingly like the last thing they ever wanted to do was say goodbye.

Shane, Liam, and Lauren all watched together from parking lot. They couldn't believe it.

"I can't believe it worked," Liam said.

"Shane, you're a fucking magician," Lauren spat in disbelief.

"This is weird but I think I'm gonna cry," Shane said honestly. Seeing them like that again, holding hands at Hester, healing at long last? It was all Shane had wanted. He had wanted them together again.

"Sure you don't want to ditch?" Amy asked.

"I have a chemistry test," Karma pouted.

"Oh," Amy said, swinging Karma's hand in her own.

"Will you sit with me at lunch?" Karma asked.

"Of course," Amy said. She'd never be sitting anywhere else if she could help it.

"Why do I feel like we may never see each other again?"

"I don't know," Amy laughed. "But I get it."

"I don't want to let go of your hand," Karma said. They had come close to the door and they were just standing there and holding on for dear life.

"I know," Amy said, feeling it too.

"Fuck, why is this so fucking hard?" Karma asked. She dropped her books on the ground and pulled Amy down with her to sit. Amy let go of Karma's hand and leaned down on her arm, taking Karma's other hand in her own and staring up at her.

"I don't know," Amy smiled sweetly, adoring her again.

"I…"

"What?" Amy asked. She couldn't stop staring up at her. She couldn't stop thinking how perfect it all was. And for the love of God she could NOT. STOP. SMILING!

"I…"

"Wh-" Amy was going to say _what_ but Karma's lips came crashing down into hers, covering them in a warm kiss. "Mmmmm," Amy hummed as she allowed her mouth to open at Karma's urging. She felt dizzy and high as Karma swam eagerly inside, her tongue tasting her, her lips smiling into her, her body so close.

"Mmmmm," Karma mirrored, her hand coming up to hold and Amy's face. Amy felt her body being pushed back as Karma pushed her body onto her so that she could better kiss her and taste her and feel Amy beneath her, her whole body there, just so.

"Mmmm, Karma, what?" Amy broke and tried to ask.

"Shhhhh," Karma said, catching Amy's shocked eyes and the queer expression on her face that could only be saying, _what the fuck are we doing? _"Can't I just kiss you right now? Can't I just do that? I just reeeally want to do that." Karma asked smiling ferociously. She brushed Amy's hair from her face and smiled hungrily into her eyes, enjoying every last second, every last fucking second of their first real fucking kiss. She watched as Amy let her head fall back down. She watched as Amy waited nervously, waited because she would let her do it again and again and again.

Across the grass Liam, Shane, and Lauren all gasped in surprised. A hoot was heard and the clapping hands of a triumphant high-five.

"I think we have an audience," Karma hummed, unable to turn her eyes away from Amy's smiling face.

"I think I could give a fuck," Amy smiled, feeling her body ache and crawl beneath Karma's just loving the feel of her and wishing it could last. She brought her hands up to Karma's face and kissed her soft with a tilted head. She didn't think she would ever stop kissing her and it felt so fucking good after all that had gone on.

It was just the first day. The first day of their forever.


End file.
